While not directly affecting me in any way, I hate these people because I don’t have the balls to do it myself. I don’t know if it’s because I’d feel guilty or if I’d feel disgusted to be lowering myself to basement level laziness. If you’ve ever parked next to someone who is selfish enough to knowingly park in a handicap parking space you’ll see one of many things:
1) If the person spots you eyeing them they may act like they are searching for their non-existent handicapped parking placard and proceed with an exaggerated look of realization that they left it at home. This is usually followed by the following:
2) The person may pretend to be handicapped while getting out of their car. Limping or faking pain while crossing the parking lot is to be expected. This of course subsides once the person is inside their destination. If the person has kids, they may have informed them of the ruse beforehand. You may see a small child fetching a shopping cart for their “handicapped” parent. This is similar to training a small dog.
3) Upon exiting the building, their eyes will be fixed on the windshield of their car. They could be shopping at a Walmart in downtown Baghdad but nothing can pull their gaze away from that windshield. As soon as they are sure there is no parking ticket on said windshield, you will see:
4) An undeserved sense of accomplishment usually in the form of a smug smile or floaty walk. I’ve seen less emotion on OJ’s face when he was declared not guilty. At this point, they will climb into their mid-80’s compact car or minivan.
Of course it is futile to call someone out on their parking faux pas. They will either ignore you or give you the finger. In both cases, your hatred for them will increase tenfold and burn further into your mind the fact that they have more balls than you do.
September 28th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Classic! I find that most people i see doing this tend to get out of the car and then act like they are doing nothing wrong. Then again i have done this at my current place of employment at least once because there just were not any other parking spaces.
September 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
While these people certainly piss me off, I would have to disagree with your ‘Balls Theory’ (and not because females do this too).
Notwithstanding the occasional punk teenager with his mom’s car packed full of neighborhood delinquents, doing it just for a good laugh, I believe most violators simply have a complete and total disregard for any of societies rules.
These are the people doing 75 mph in residential areas with 40 mph posted speed limits. They’re the people who are always in a hurry, but for no particular reason. The type that order those $9 cups of coffee from Starbucks - you know, the ones with ridiculous names such as Grande Whipped Caramel Expresso Mocha Java Sunshine Lattes with ‘just a squeeze of honey’.
I think if someone had the chance to follow one of these people around for a week, parking in a handicap spot would likely be the least offensive thing observed.
On a ‘parking faux pas’ side note, I’d like to extend an additional ‘Fuck you’ to the people who spend 20 minutes circling the parking lot looking for that one space that is going to save their fat asses 10 feet of walking. If you’d like an interesting conversation, try explaining to one of these people that they could have already been in the store if they had just parked further away - eyes glaze over and stupid facial expressions ensue.
However, I’d be remiss in my hatred for people parking in handicapped spots if I didn’t point out that the parking lot circlers are at least following the rules. Lazy as they are, they at least have proven their abilities to read.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
While these violator’s “simply have a complete and total disregard for any of societies rules,” you seem to have a complete and total disregard for the rules of grammar. And it is balls that allows them to park in handicapped spaces. I once had a girlfriend who would park in them and then limp into the store. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding…And a hand full of nuts quickly ended that relationship.